I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

It's funny when you see that all of your friend's lives have fallen into place one way or another, and you're still at that bad stage every one goes through. Sometimes it makes you wonder if you'll ever really manage to get away from that place, you know. It makes you wonder how long you're actually going to be lonely for.

Engaged, girlfriend and work ethic put on track (x2 people), multiple love options; I mean I consider my closest friends family, and I'm happy for them, I am, but I can't help feeling a little jealous at the fact that they've managed to become happy through their own work, by themselves. They may have had a little help here and there, but they chased something down, and ultimately, they got it. It's something I wish I had the guts to do, or the effort.

Maybe that's just what it is though, maybe I'm only happy when I'm miserable, when I'm mad. Maybe I hate socialising and meeting new people, and only do it for external reasons, when really I'd rather be sitting at home doing jack all. I sound like a loser, but I just avoid confrontation, and I'm not going down that road of self discovery to find out why.

I don't want to chase down a new girlfriend just to have some sort of intimacy. It'll end up falling apart sooner or later, and I don't want to hurt someone else. It's not something I like to do. But, then again, "enjoying the single life" is a contradictory statement, because to enjoy the 'single' life, you have to get out there and find something new. One night stands and flings aren't my thing, I've tried it and I ended up hurting a good friend (okay, I wasn't too good at the whole fling thing. No.1, don't do it with good friends). So that leaves me with finding a relationship, which is why that earlier statement is contradictory on my behalf.

I've restricted myself from talking about the ex on this from now on, seeing as she's my ex now, it'll just make me look stalkerish. I'm only saying this because I was just about to mention something I found out, and realised that the more I think or talk about her the harder it gets trying to get her out my head. That makes sense. 

I have dreams of her now and again, that doesn't help too much. More like nightmares now.

Anyway, here's a penis  8========D.  It lacks girth, I know, but hey, you get what you get.

This damn song is stuck in my head, because it has such relevance, and moves me a bit:

I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance

Forgive me please, I only tolerate 2 or 3 MRC's songs, other than that they suck. 

Elijah