Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time?
When'll you realise that they wont be here forever? And this game you play in your head will eventually end. You know that when that happens there'll be nothing left to gain, right? No more pieces to pick up, they'll have all scattered away into the past like the ashes of a fallen soldier - Lost forever, but never forgotten by the people who cared. In this case, it's not "people", it's 'person', and that person is you.
So what is it? You're afraid? Afraid that if you get close it'll crumble apart again, and the pain will be greater? Or afraid of the fact that no matter what, as long as they're still 'there', they're still able to hurt you, directly and indirectly. You're chest pushes itself towards the risk of repeated pain, because it wants the intimacy, the 'feelings' to come flooding back, just to remember what that was like. Your mind pulls away from this irrational madness, telling you to push away anything that vaguely resembles or reminds you of those feelings you once could... feel - "Wanting to be hurt yet again? What the fuck is wrong with you, heart? Don't you ever learn?"
I've had enough decisions on my plate, and I've always been a man of the gut. But my gut stays out of this one, the big boys play about with a decision like this; obviously being Heart and Mind. Real deep down, I've always known which path to follow, but now with these two paths that face me, each ending of each path scares me. But I'm not sure which one scares me more. Loss or Gain. Freedom or Pain.
War is declared.
No comments:
Post a Comment